LAKE WINNIPEGOSICH, Minn. — Was Donovan McNabb good enough? Was the Eagles spending spree worth it? Will Brett Favre show up again?
These are the questions we asked the man who owns the NFL’s Crystal Ball.
Blitznak the Magnificent is the man with the big ball. That’s singular.
Blitznak has all the answers to life’s most difficult questions. He’s always right – at least, HE believes he’s always right – and this past weekend, we went back to his cabin on Lake Winnipegosich deep in the northern Minnesota bush (OK, so he lives about eight miles northwest of Duluth near the Chippewa Casino on Hwy. 2, but who’s keeping score?) to interview the all-seeing NFL Oracle.
We posed 10 new and follow-up questions, none of them about Brett Favre:
RIVER CITY SPORTS BLOG: So, Mr. Blitznak, the All-Knowing, we asked you back in August if Donovan McNabb would make a difference to the Minnesota Vikings. You said no. Guess you were right.
Blitznak, the Magnificent: What did I tell you? “Short answer? No. Long answer? If he gets any time to throw, he could be terrific. Trouble is, that offensive line in Minnesota couldn’t block the Vikings Cheerleaders. The O-line will be better, but probably not enough better to make Donovan McNabb the Donovan McNabb of 2005. So, yeah, McNabb had to go. Young Christian Ponder will be the quarterback in Minnesota for the next 15 years – so long as the coaches don’t screw with his head, the offensive line doesn’t get him killed and the idiots in the state legislature get the damn stadium built.
RCS BLOG: We also asked you if the Eagles did the right thing, spending all that money on free agents. We wondered if it would make them good enough to win the Super Bowl?
B the M: I said at the time that you can never do the wrong thing by spending money to try to get good players in order to win games. At least the Eagles ownership was trying. I said it was up to Andy Reid to make that team a winner and it might take some time. But the Eagles are good and they will do well this season. Right now, the Eagles are 3-5, but they’ll win on Sunday and they will make the playoffs.
RCS BLOG: We also asked you who will be the best quarterback in the NFL this season. You said it wouldn’t be Eli Manning. What do you think now?
B the M: I still don’t think it will be either Manning — Eli or Peyton or even Archie. As I said in August, if you’re in a fantasy draft and you have Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, Mark Sanchez, Philip Rivers, Tom Brady or Michael Vick, you’ll be just fine. Detroit’s Matthew Stafford, if he remains healthy, is still the big sleeper. Matt Schaub in Houston could have a very interesting season, as well. Schaub hasn’t had a great season, but he’s sure had an interesting one. He might not get big fantasy numbers, but he does know how to win.
I said, stay away from Kyle Orton, Chad Henne, Alex Smith, Matt Hasselbeck, Tarvaris Jackson and Andy Dalton. I was wrong about Smith and Dalton, but I’m not wrong about Henne, Hasselbeck or Jackson.
RCS BLOG: Do you think Green Bay can go 16-0?
B the M: Yep.
RCS BLOG: Would you elaborate?
B the M: Why didn’t you ask a two-part question, Grasshopper. The Packers biggest test was San Diego on the coast and they “survived” 45-38. You talked to Aaron Rodgers. He said the Packers “can get better.” What do you think that means? The Packers play the Vikings at home on Monday night, get Tampa at home, go to Detroit, go to the Giants, play Oakland at Lambeau, go to Kansas City, get the Bears at home and then finish with Detroit at home. If this team continues to play as well as it has in its first eight games, there is no reason to believe that 16-0 is impossible. Their toughest game is in New York against the Giants, but I’ll take Aaron Rodgers over Eli Manning any day.
RCS BLOG: What do you think of Tim Tebow? Is he as bad as ESPN says he is?
B the M: Hell, no. Tim Tebow is different and anything that is different makes morons like ESPN’s Merrill Hoge shit pancakes. Tebow is also outwardly religious and that drives some people nuts. Here’s the problem with Tebow: (a) he’s lefthanded and that’s different, (b) he loves to run with the football and that makes traditionalists crap and (c) he wins and that makes the Kyle Orton Fan Club, of which there are far too many members among the punditry class, whine like little babies with a diaper full of used formula. What Hoge did on Sunday morning — ripping Tebow simply because he’s turned ripping Tebow into a cottage industry — was a blight on ESPN’s good name. The Sports Leader has a Tebow fetish and it either has to back off or just admit that the only thing in sports that makes them all noticeably apoplectic is the Denver quarterback.
RCS BLOG: Back in August we asked you who was the best runningback in the NFL? Do you still believe Adrian Peterson is the guy?
B the M: More than ever before. Fred Jackson has had a good year in Buffalo, Frank Gore has been exceptional in San Francisco and LeSean McCoy and Matt Forte are very talented and have played well. But Chris Johnson isn’t half as good as he was last year and Michael Turner and Maurice Jones-Drew are one-trick ponies. Adrian Peterson does more than anyone else in the game and he gives his rookie quarterback an out on every play. Peterson is consistent and productive and absolutely your first pick on fantasy draft day. Even with that horse-pucky offensive line in Minnesota, he puts up big numbers. And he can catch. He is, without fear of legitimate argument, the best runningback in football.
RCS BLOG: Can the Cincinnati Bengals continue to win with a rookie quarterback?
B the M: I never would have believed it, but Andy Dalton is a remarkable young quarterback. I’m not wrong often, but I was wrong about Dalton. Cincinnati can win its division. And they can do it because Andy Dalton will challenge Cam Newton for the rookie of the year award. However, the Bengals aren’t as good as the pundits believe they are because they haven’t really beaten anybody yet.
RCS BLOG: Will Indianapolis finish the season 0-16 and win the Andrew Luck sweepstakes?
B the M: It’s definitely possible. That’s a bad team. And it’s never been the same since Jim Caldwell and the coaching staff decided to rest Peyton Manning and the starters when the team was 14-0 in 2009. Dumb move, dumb coach. They play Jacksonville next week and could beat them. Then they have the bye and then they get Carolina at home, go to New England, go to Baltimore, get Tennessee at home and Houston at home and then go to Jacksonville. What the heck, Miami won this week. Indy could win a game, too. You know what they say about blind squirrels and nuts. Regardless, the real question shouldn’t be, “Will they win the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes?” but, “Will they draft Andrew Luck if they finish last?” If the Colts draft Luck, they don’t believe Peyton Manning will be back, but if they draft an offensive or defensive lineman or a runningback, you’ll know Manning will be around for at least the next four years.
RCS BLOG: Back in August we asked you if the Packers could repeat as champions. You thought they could. Do you still believe it?
B the M: Absolutely. It’s extremely difficult to go back-to-back these days, but when you have Aaron Rodgers at quarterback, A.J. Hawk at linebacker and Clay Matthews anywhere within 15 miles of a football field, you have a chance to win. The Packers have the best quarterback in the NFL and the best offensive line in the NFL. That combination means they could easily win two Super Bowls in a row.
RCS BLOG: Did you think the Patriots and Eagles would have a combined seven losses through the first nine weeks?
B the M: No, and I guarantee they won’t have seven losses over the next seven weeks.
Satisfied, now? You’d better be because that’s your 10 questions, Chubby. You’re done. Now go away. I gotta go out and buy Thelma a couple of ice cold Grain Belts. Remember, Grain Belt: It’s the beer to have when you’re having more than a dozen.









