The Bombers are trailing 17-5 at the half against a really lousy Toronto Argonauts team and I have to admit, I feel bad for Bombers head coach Paul LaPolice.
Not only is he Jeff Reinebold without the whimsy, but he’s lost his quarterback, his offense can’t do much of anything and his field goal team team has just been scorched for 108 yards and a touchdown. Maybe Alex Brink will pull off a miracle in the second half because, goodness, gracious, Eden Prairie High School might have been the best team to play at Canad Inns Stadium this year.
It’s amazing, you know. Not just here in Winnipeg, where a 4-12 record beckons (yes, we called 4-14 at the beginning of the season), but all over the 1,000-channel universe, sports has been more fun than a barrel of Mike Kelly radio interviews. From a quarterback who texts pictures of his junk to suite hostesses to helmet-to-helmet hits to the CFL’s decision to remove players from games who wear pink, to fans disguised as seats in Phoenix, Planet Sports just gets loonier every day.
For instance:
(1) The Onion reports this week that the NFL will fine Monday Night Football for its helmet-to-helmet smash in the pre-game musical intro. Read it here: http://www.theonion.com/articles/nfl-fines-monday-night-football-for-helmettohelmet,18312/ I’m still laughing and it sheds all the light you need on the NFL’s sudden fear of head injuries.
(2) When the Texas Rangers eliminated the New York Yankees from post-season play on Friday night, I found it interesting that the final out was the Yanks Alex Rodriguez being called out on a third strike. I was surprised there wasn’t a riot.
It was Cleveland Indians play-by-play announcer Tom Hamilton who said this year, “No wonder Yankees and Red Sox games last four hours all the time. Every time a Yankee or Red Sox player has a strike called against him it’s like an affront to his senses. Every one of them steps out and argues on every single called strike. These games take forever because the umpires won’t say ‘Shut up and get back in the box.’”
Hamilton is right. There is nothing more annoying than watching the Yankees whine about every called strike (except maybe watching Daryl Johnston on an NFL telecast without a mute button). Games take forever because the umpires are too frightened of or awestruck by the Yankees’ pinstripes. When A-Rod went down on a called strike, the Rangers started to celebrate, the umpires walked off the field and A-Rod had no one to complain to.
It was a moment of pure baseball Zen.
(3) Rod Black just said the Bombers have the wind at their back to start the third quarter. Then he said Bomber punter Mike Renaud was kicking into the wind.
Right now, the wind is out of the east at 11 kilometres per hour. Canad Inns Stadium runs north/south.
Honey, where’s the remote, I need to find that mute button.
(4) This week, the Phoenix Coyotes played a National Hockey League game in front of 6,700 people. On the same night the Manitoba Moose played an American Hockey League game in front of 6,100.
When is Gary Bettman just going to admit that it’s over in Phoenix? Last year, Coyotes president Doug Moss said to my face, “I believe that if we put a winner on the ice here, people will come.” Moss — a tremendous hockey mind and a great guy — was fired, the Coyotes started winning and still, nobody bothered to drive to that rink out in the middle of nowhere.
We all know that the NHL won’t return to Winnipeg until Bettman has completely exhausted all of his options in Phoenix. Of course, if he finds someone with a billion dollars and a brain larger than a walnut to buy that team, and keep it in the Arizona desert, he’ll be the greatest snake oil salesman in American history.
(5) Yes, I know it’s only pre-season, but I love watching the Cleveland Cavaliers win and the Miami Heat lose.
Sure, reality sets in on Tuesday when the regular season begins, but for now, watching LeBron score 30 and still lose gives me hope for the future of mankind.
(6) BTW, Montreal Alouettes head coach, Marc Trestman, the former Golden Gophers quarterback, would make a great coach at the University of Minnesota.
We’ll be back with a Bomber update in about an hour.
BOMBER POST SCIRPT
Final score: Toronto 27 Winnipeg 8.
The season is over for the Bombers. They’re 4-12 and all playoff hope is gone.
On the up-side, they probably have more built-in excuses than any losing team in history. In order:
(1) It’s Mike Kelly’s fault. He damaged the brand.
(2) Oh, damn, Buck Pierce got hurt.
(3) It’s the referee’s fault.
(4) It’s Steven Jyles fault.
(5) It’s Alex Brink’s fault.
(6) Oh damn, Steven Jyles got hurt.
(7) Oh damn, Alex Brink got hurt.
(8) It’s Joey Elliott’s fault.
Now that the Winnipeg mainstream media’s darlings are 4-12, Mike Kelly looks pretty good doesn’t he?